kensiow's Xanga

Jesus Christ

Wed, 31 May 2006 11:39:28 GMT

Who is Jesus?

It is an endless topic for discussion, but nevertheless an intriguing one for the last 2000+ years. Some say he is human, some say he is divine.

For the most part of my adult life so far, I have believed in the orthodox, traditional view of who Jesus was. So to me, Jesus was God in flesh, and Jesus was the Son of God. He came and die for humanity because humanity had fallen into sin: God himself had to pay the penalty of mankind's failure, shed the blood of atonement, so that mankind can be redeemed.

The other side of the coin, for me, of course - was 'How do I know what I believe is true"? Can it be false and can it be untrue that whatever I am believing in now is completely a fabrication of imaginative and superstitious who perhaps deified the man Jesus, who possibly lived as a great man but died with a family, as the recent Da Vinci code suggested?

Perhaps that could be true. And if it's true, whatever that I have believed in is false and silly. Whatever that I use to hang on to, I had wasted my life in holding on to.

But what, and where then, is the solution of Pain and suffering?

Jesus himself said that " I have come that you may have Life, and life to the fullest". I believe he wasn't just referring to the physical , material world. He was probably referring to the spiritual world and our inner world - Do we have peace and love? Is our heart full of strength and joy? Do we have have all the courage to face an uncertain world? Do we feel comforted when things go wrong? Do we have the faith to believe in a better tomorrow when today goes completely haywire?

So Jesus offered an alternative way of thinking. Instead of leaving it to chance, he placed it on HIMSELF. He believed he was THE answer for Humanity's search for love. He placed himself on the conscious path to death - by crucifixion. He had to die, he believed, in order to deliver and save the world from spiritual death, and to give life to mankind.

And of course, there is the Resurrection account. So the gospel tells us that he was crucified, buried, but he rosed again on the 3rd day. He defeated death. He conquered the limitation of death. He arose triumphant....

For one who doesn't believe in this, it is just another story made up by superstitious people.

But for those that believes, it offers a hope - The hope that if Jesus triumph, we can believe in him. If Jesus defeated death, we can place our hope in Him, that we can defeat death. If Jesus demonstrated the ultimate miracle of resurrection, then perhaps our lives doesn't have to be caught up in the quamire of the rat race , of pain, of suffering - but we could, one day, be like him - we can be resurrected triumphantly, spiritual, emotional and physical .......

A point to consider.

Facing the Ghost of our lives

Wed, 31 May 2006 11:21:54 GMT

Everyone has a ghost, or multiple ghosts in their lives. No, I do not mean those spooky white stuff that fly around. I mean the negative thoughts in our lives that will destroy us or keep us in the bondage of fear, shame , guilt or pain - if we do not resolve it.

For me, my ghost is that I suffer guilt easily. Perhaps it has to do with my strict Catholic school-upbringing, a strict father, and going through most of my adolescence years in a system of pain and pleasure, punishment or rewards, accoding to my performance. So yes, for the most part of my life, I DID feel that I didn't measure up to many things. And although I have overcome many of those negative thoughts, there are much work today. Perhaps the bible is so true as to say, that we "got to work out our salvation day and night with fear and trembling" - No, I don't think we got to be scared of losing our salvation, but perhaps it does mean that we really to have make a conscious effort - without taking anything for granted - to find that inner peace and connection with God.

So what is "salvation"? I have been thinking for a long time that Salvation probably refers to some kind of life after we die. We imagine that, perhaps there are streets of gold and diamonds, huge mansions where our love ones could gather in peace and harmony. Perhaps that is my vision of paradise - a place of no pain , no suffering. But recently I got an insight from my brother......who challenged me to those thoughts. He argued , and I eventually gave in, that Salvation is a present-tense state. We all need to be "saved" from some kind of negative forces - Feelings of pain, depression, guilt, shame, lust, insecurity, self-destructive thoughts, etc. So we all need to be saved , and be delivered from our current state (of less-than-ideal-situation) to a state of bliss (ideal situation).

We all need to find that state of peace, love, joy . We all therefore need to be saved, everyday, every moment we face negativity and everytime our ghost resurfaced.

Sanity

Wed, 31 May 2006 11:12:16 GMT

Sometimes the difference between sanity and in-sanity is small. Can we be so sure as to say someone who looks 'normal' by our standards, is sane? while another character, while 'wierd' to us, may be completely sane and happy inside, even reaching the point of total disregard of other's opinions?

The worse is when one knows where he/she stands, thinks it's wrong, but repress it inside their minds. As Albert Estein once said, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again"

So what is on your mind, or my mind, that we keep repeating /reminding ourselves, but that makes us unhappy, unhealthy, depressed or upset? Sometimes we choosed the repetitive, self-destructive mode of thinking without even realising it - and when we do realise it, but not do anything about it, that to me is the start of insanity....but are we any more insane than another, and are we any more sane than the rest?

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Thu, 23 Mar 2006 07:34:00 GMT

Cest La Vie

Lots has changed since I last wrote. Lots.

Life is never certain. You really, really never know what you are going to get. And probably just when you think you are getting what you are getting you probably realise that you are losing it, or experiencing it at a different level. Well, what is certain anyway?

I'm reminded how important it is to find an Anchor in our soul. Because with anchor in our lives, we become very lost, we get swept by the winds and changes of life. And if there is no anchor, we lose sight of the bigger picture when crisis or unexpected things happen. For some people, their anchor could be their Faith , their religion. For some, maybe they don't have an anchor, so they drift according to the winds of change.

Anyway - So many things has changed. I now work for an American company, the largest Computer chip maker in the world (Hint, they love Blue). Fast moving, aggressive, unbureacractic, but a complete and utter maze in some sense. I'm nevertheless enjoying the process - it has never been so exciting and scary at the same time. I have moved on from my previous relationship (Long distance) to be with a girl in the same city as me. After 2 years of leaving the corporate world into the world of business development, sales and marketing and start-up in a torturous and frustrating business environment, I am now back to the corporate world where I do feel very much at home but feeling the heat stronger than ever. Well, what is certain in life anyway? I'm just going to try my best.

I'm hoping to find a greater connection between my intellectual understanding and the "Greater Being". I want to find a balance in life - a "Spirtual awakening". I'm not sure what the best road to take is, but I do believe strongly that Faith should be our Anchor......Job changes all the time. You could be rich today and poor tomorrow - Financially. You could have lots materially but none tomorrow. But I think with Faith, your belief and experiences in life goes beyond the material and the physical - and that is much more endearing and meaningful. I have tried my best to understand christianity. I have tried my luck with Taoism and Buddhism. I am both driven by Pain and Pleasure. But I know I have to keep on searching........to ask myself "What is the ultimate purpose of life for me on earth while I'm working the journey of life?" I think everyone is different.

I will continue this journey - the journey of searching, finding, and discovering.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Tue, 17 Jan 2006 02:57:48 GMT

Watching Jay Chou on MTV, I was reminded of a scene in Shanghai about 4 weeks ago. It was just right before Christmas and I was with 2 friends - one Taiwanese and one Asian American - in Guandi, a club whose partners include people like David Wu Dawei, that "poser" Taiwanese-American whose poster boy face has been splashed from underwears, suits and ties, to English training CDs.

Anyway a bunch of early 20something year old kids were getting ready for the big competition - It was what I saw on "8 miles" , the movie featuring Eminem. Basically you have 2 people trashing out at each other (it could be blantantly racist for who you care) by rapping according to a predescribed beat...

So off they go. First it was a white boy rapping against a chinese boy. Chinese boy was "KO-ed" in no time. Then interestingly another Chinese guy came up, and he lambasted the white boy. The interesting thing was he was able to rap both in Mandarin and in English, whereas the white boy was able to do so in English. I think he (Chinese boy) manage to get the crowd excited - soon the crowd was roaring with estasy...!

What I found really interesting was the fact the Chinese music scenes are now increasingly "fused" with American pop , R&B, and Rap. Of course this phenomenon isn't new, but I think the expression of it all couldn't be more blantant especially in the last few years. Starting from Jay Chou to Wilber Pan and many others (not so famous), they dance in Afro-American fashion, dressed like a Detroit junkie, and sing in Mandarin Chinese.

I see this as an expression of what will come in the generation to come. As the world continues to integrate and 'fused', as globalisation takes its natural course and as China speed towards becoming the largest economy in the world, many cultural expression in the world will take on Chinese characteristics, or Chinese popular culture in itself will take on more and more of western and other features.

The driving force of it all - probably economics.

"Yo yo yo, whassup man, dont give me no shit dude..." is now "yo yo yo, gan ma ya ni"...

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Wed, 21 Dec 2005 03:51:35 GMT

Just a few days ago my sister in law gave birth to a healthy little boy Samuel. I'm officially "shu shu" - Uncle Ken.

Samuel is special in some sense, and he's not just any nephew that I may have in future.

Samuel is the son of my identitical twin brother kevin, who looks very much like me in some sense. Hence Samuel would look like me in some sense. Secondly Samuel's chinese name is the combination of my brother's chinese character name WEN ÎÄand mine WU Îä. The last character in Samuel's chinese name will be the word BIN ±ó It's an awesome name in my opinion - it signifies "perfection and harmony within the house". And Samuel is going to start his own legacy.

Life is really quite strange. I mean, just when we are trying to make sense of who we are, where we are going, where we will be in the future, and why we did what we did in the past and how we can learn from it, a new life enters the world bringing much joy and laughter. And the cycle of life continues - Birth..the journey of life...adolescense...puberty..adulthood...ups and downs...joy and sadness...old age..sickness...and death...the journey of life on earth begins one day, and finishes another day. But the journey of life continues - I believe - in another realm. In heaven I believe. And what we leave behind is a legacy of either kindess or evil...

In 30 years time I have to accept the inevitability that my parents will no longer be around. I will be in my 60s. And Samuel will be in his 30s - just like me right now, writing and thinking about the journey of life in my early 30s.

Welcome to this world, little Samuel ! The journey has just begun ... !!!

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Thu, 15 Dec 2005 17:11:33 GMT

It's been a busy past few days in Shanghai. I've realised that strangely, I don't like Shanghai at all.

Yes I hated Beijing's weather especially during Summer. Yes I hated the fact that Beijing has horrible traffic jams. And indeed, I hated the fact that Beijing is still very much lagging behind Shanghai in terms of development.

But I love Beijing for its cultural heritage, the rich history, the passionate people, then fact the Beijingers are so comfortable with their own position and place in China geo-political environment. Somehow Beijingers don't try very hard to be something else - they know they are beijingers and they belong there.

Shanghai seemed to express itself different. Yes it is certainly the most cosmopolitan and modern city in China. Yes people are relatively well-off compared to the rest of China. But what I hate about Shanghai is that there seemed to be too many "wannabes."

I was at this club called Guandi just now. It was my 4th or 5th time there in 3 years. That club was opened by David Wu dawei and a few other partners of his. Anyway to cut the story short it was full of young 20 years old kids trying to look hip and cool by dressing as black afro-americans. Then they started having some rapping competition (have you watched Eminen's movie?). Chinese rapping in Chinese while dressing up as american black rappers. Not a good combination.

Shanghai's full of wannabes. It's perhaps the most modern city in China, but the people seemed very eager to demonstrate to the rest of the world that it is different and it is more "modern" cos' it has enbraced more of the West.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Sun, 11 Dec 2005 09:48:33 GMT

It's not easy having a Long Distance Relationship. When you are in a LDR, you lose focus, and you have to constantly battle within yourself why you are continuing a relationnship with someone whom you are with even though there may be others like your LDR partner.

I met a lovely, funny girl K recently.She's an awesome girl with a great sense of humour. At least I appreciated her jokes very much. The strange thing is that I find many of her personality rather similar to mine. Not only is she smart, she's successful in her career as well. She's independent minded and focused. She's pretty and charming. And, she likes me.

I'm caught and trapped. In fact I have had sleepless nights. I wonder what is right and wrong. My LDR is only for 21 months. But I knew my LDR for 5.5 years. And these 5.5 years had been somewhat a very precious experience. She felt like a solid rock in the midst of all my travels and me living abroad. She was, in essense, some sort of an emotional pillar for me. But it hasn't been a realistic one. We have never lived together in the same city apart from a few days of holidays visiting each other. We have never really gotten over some of our potential challenges in our personality differences - she being rather conservative and traditional, and me being outspoken and direct, causing occasional clashes in our personalities. But i think ultimately what kept me going was the fact that she gave me the idea of a stable and secure relationship. I wonder if it is because I myself am feeling insecure. I feel insecure that's why I chosed a LDR with a girl whom I think is secure and stable. Does it make sense?

I got to make a choice eventually. Head or Heart? Committment vs Passion?

Life is so full of contradictions sometime. If we were designed as pre-programmed creatures it may make life so much easier. I wonder if I am able to find that right answer for my situation, and to enbrace the new year with a clear vision and hope.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Wed, 30 Nov 2005 06:46:15 GMT

I wasn't sure if I was going to write about my personal love life or about my career. They are both worth mentioning today.

Well today marks the last day I have with my current company, a singaporean company specialising in Medical equipment. I took on this job because I wanted to be in China and experience first hand what it means to live and work in the fastest economy in the world. 21 months has gone by me like the clouds passing by. I turn around and here I am, about to leave. Tomorrow will be my official first day out of a job. But I'm not really dismayed. I'm not even sure if I want a job anymore, whether I want to be some salary worker for the rest of my life.

So for the next few months I guess I'll be searching for the right touch, the right fit, the right way to go. I'm a doer by nature and to me thinking and rationalising doesn't really count as much as really getting your hands dirty and trying it out to see if you really like it. I am starting a business consultancy with a friend while working on some freelance training projects. I won't discount the possibility of looking for a good job if it pops up. But really, i think the situation compared to 2 years ago when I decided for the first time in my life that I was gonna quit my previous company is so much more positive. At least I feel that I'm armed with a greater experience of life, a larger network of friends and resources, and Im relative familiar with China compared to someone of my age from outside china. If someone who cannot speak Chinese can thrive here, what more me? I think then the path to success in China isn't really about how smart you are but rather how clear you are and how you plan to achieve them and how you eventually executive those plans. I will spend sometime doing just that.

The other thing that has been taking up a lot of my energy and time is my current romance life. Well, actually it's not as straight forward as I like it to be and yes, I don't feel guilty because it's really me and I can't beat myself over what I am. So anyway I am finding myself rather obsessed and confused over a Korean girl whom I found to be really really really attractive. Miss Korea to be honest is someone who has brought so much fun and passion of life to me ever since I knew her better for the last 2 weeks. But there's a catch : She's too emotional and i think she goes through mood swings which could be rather unpredictable- will I be able to live with that? The other thing. I haven't quite resolve my other interests in other parts of the world. Maybe I'm not sure what I want at this point but I do think that I'm still a good person at heart. End of the day who wants to get hurt? and who would deliberately hurt others? I think most of us are just trying our best to be a good guy but we constantly battle with our rationale and our emotions. Left brain vs right brain.

Anyway that aside. I'm looking forward to a new life. A new year. A new start. 2006 will be good, I know it.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Wed, 16 Nov 2005 16:02:06 GMT

Dalai Lama and Me

What does the Dalai Lama has to do with me? Probably very little, except to be "entertained" by his stories of 'brave struggle'. Ok, my blog is not going to be about the Dalai Lama. In fact, I will probably never meet him in my entire life, and he will never meet me in person.

What I did meet today, is a really sweet ethnic Tibetan girl from the region of Shangri-la in Yunnan province. I was with M in a really cool Tibetan restuarant trying to entertain ourselves with the exotic Tibetan singing and dancing. Maybe we might get lucky and get to befriend a hot Tibetan girl - ha. But I guess what I got out of my night in the Tibetan restuarant were something more thought provoking i guess.

Well I've always been fascinated with "Ethnic Minority" culture. But I always wondered why do we have to label people as the "majority and the minority". I met this girl - her name was too difficult for me to remember at least for now - working in the restuarant. She speaks good Mandarin, Tibetan dialect from Shangri-la, and have an English name, Helen. Hey! A Tibetan girl has an Anglo-Saxon name. Well I guess why not, I have one too. But I do wonder about whether the world, in the inevitable event of further globalisation, will become one big cultural melting pot with western characteristics. What will happen to the indigenious culture of my new-found friend, who, like many of her peers, move to the big chinese cities, and take on more Han-Chinese characteristics, and perhaps becoming more westernised in the years to come. It is anyone's guess.

I remember watching a movie about this ethnic minorty girl from Yunnan province, who had just turn 17 years old. Innocent and naive, she wanted to break away from that village lifestyle and to work in the city. So she went to the city and sold baked corns by the street. Soon, droves of tourist came by and started taking pictures of her. They were 'enchanted' and 'fascinated' by the fact that there's a pretty 'tribal' girl in traditional costume selling corns by the street. Eventually some less-than-cultivated people showed up and started to wrap their arms around her while taking pictures, totally disregarding her privacy and sense of space. It reminded me of a scene when I was fascinated with watching the Chimpanzees in the zoo, doing tricks to the entertainment of others - except that we're talking about a full-blooded human being whose only difference with us is her economic, social and cultural background.

So anyway this girl caught the attention of a young photographer who asked her to be his "model'. Their trick was to stand by the roadside near to picturesque areas, and if anyone wants to take a picture he or she could, for some money, take pictures of the scenery with a traditional 'tribal girl' in traditional costume. And so they went, and after initial success, other tribal girls started following suit! There was no money to be made anymore, and so they decided to stop. But by this time this girl was already in love with the guy, but the guy had other intentions. He had no intention to stay in that little town. He was after all, from the major city of Kunming. He felt they were from a different world. His priority was to make money.

So to cut the story short he left her one day to go back to the big city. The girl was heartbroken but undaunted. Her life continues bravely.

I was reminded of this story when I met my new-found friend today. Sweet and innocent, she had left her little town of Shangri-la to come to one of the largest city on earth - Beijing. It must be quite different for her. People like myself were fascinated with the way she dressed, and the way she presented herself. That innocence about her brought about a certain vitality. That youthfulness in her brought out mine too. But was I guilty of being one of those "less than cultivated" person in that earlier movie I watched? Isn't she just like any other human being on earth , like you and I?

I wonder what will I think when I see the Dalai Lama. Some old man with a Jiang Zemin style glasses?

More importantly - Will we ourselves become an "ethnic minority" one day, in the Global village we call home, if we cling on stubbornly to our own indigenious culture?